Editor’s Note: This list of Ort’s band names was originally published in the Mar. 31, 2004 issue of Flagpole.
Due to some sort of popular demand (at least three of you have asked), I present to you—for your April Fools’ Day Week enjoyment, bafflement, bumfuddlement and/or utility—an entire column of hypothetical band names from my years of clipboard scratchings. If any of you want to choose one and run with it (or, better yet, amend it for use), fine: put “Thanks, Ort” on your 8-track tape; buy me a kumquat; whatever… it’s no big deal. All of these are my original ideas unless stated otherwise. Do not expect any great amount of sense to be makeable of some of these: my sensibilities are firmly enough rooted in Dada as it is, or so I fear. The appearance of all this fol-de-rol in print may well fuel the beginning of committal proceedings; besides, after typing up and laying all this out, I will indeed need a rest. Morristown, TN—here I come?
Grey Polka Lunch Office Oily Eyes My Life Inside My Suitcase In-Body Experience Bowl Of Car Flakes Let’s Stay Hat Jaw Pilot Lunch Sharpener Salad-Jury Steelkitchen Lung Annex Ankle Food Golf Soup Fried Circus The Neon Coast Melt The Frontier Hand-To-Shirt Combat Gas Until Alvin Eye Choir Gull Foyer Bark As Think 8 Dust Gas Fiesta! My Uncle’s Walnut The After Thigh Sonic Teeth Library Of Hat As Dust As You Think 780 In 3 Mins. The All-Tonak Cream Star Galloping Consumption Golf Hair Our Laundry Wig My Parents, The Shoes Have An 11 The Lime Hour Apparent Splarg 2/3 The Doody Lumbering Feathers Sinus Coffee Its: 118 Flat Salad All That Isn’t Pepper On The Way There Them Pizza Clear Across My Buddy That Beef Moment These Jitters Pickle Noise Banana-In-Law The Asthma Surf Shovels To Turku All Fell Down Purpling Athens/Clarke County Insomnia Team Tung Anthem Run-On Pizza The Grigsby Flame Her Humidity Shoes The Miracle Of Lather Singlefold Towels Do Not Make Good Shoelaces The Drytossers The Vauntken Brothers Sweet As Sink Semi-Those Olive Suds Thud Supper All Those Apricot Pirates Soup Forecast Murder By Cornflake The Grapefruit Are Escaping!!!!!! Leg Opera Park The Jethro Yum! Lightbulbs! The Magic, Of Comma Splice Cubic Wolf Zoysia Breath Toad Syrup Lamp Suey Apathy Clinic, But No One Came All-Radish Circus Grits Salad With Eels The Raw Burnt Abbr. Assn. Amer. Liquid Grass Salmon Motor Outlaw Plankton Truth Vending Machine I Wander Door Carrot Sharpener Snoring Paper Academy Of The Blasting-Gas 3308: Slingshot Nism The Morocco Paper Revolving Deputy Alerts Lights Thought Valet Refrigerator Veterans Of America Das Hotelier The Myssyng Lynx Lobster-For-Hire Cow Pirates Forgotten Pyrex Shoes Falling, As In Awning News Prosthesis Leftover Airport Goat Apple Rent-A-Biscuit Polish Pickle Rescue Kit Golf, With Onions The Sick Old And Their Dependence On Laxatives Nose Catfish Apple Parking Those Wysiwygs Carrotmelting Shoes Aren’t Deaf I Majored In Knees Creative Onion Dentistry Bald Living Carrot-And-Raisin-Salad Necktie Your Eel’s Shoes Theosophical Garden Your Mind’s Cupcake Which Lunch Is Lunch, And How Lunch Is It? Blasting Mustard Vertical Golf Amnesty For Johnnie Ray My Eyes The Lips Blushing Doorstops Gurdjieff At Lunch Gurdjieff For Lunch Random Pickle The Za-Zen Toothbrush 10¢ A Swamp Beef At Work Vehicular Homicide With Ranch Dressing I Respond Bean Soup Knives Southern Swan Dealers’ Assn. Home For Retired Repeating Decimals Vegetable Rights Activists Sullen Laughers Watching The Thunder Homonym Vegetation Tie Awry Teflon Lumberyard Shy Cyclists Association of America Hatism Collapsed Lung On Toast Parakeet Golf Vital L Shy As A Burned-Out Lightbulb Nose Laundromat Aromatherapy For Cows All-Pork Headlights Salad Clerk I Go Appliance Tuna Wrecker Pleistocene Zipper Butter Yourself Blue Finland-At-A-Pull Fog Collectors Wing Tip Lunch Bulletproof Jellyfish Grotto Pants Nose Campfire CNHO! Jsoack And The Jsoacks The Kutzschan Brothers Mind Your H Man Died Crowing: Thought He Was Chicken, Says Sheriff Violin Fore Abner Met The Pope In Toledo Blunt Trauma Pancakes Clock Sauce All-Spinach TV Appliance Diet Campus Chin Chips The Color Whaat Picabia’s Lunch Uncle Grape Mahogany Student Six Planes Of Time Turning Trick Into Trichinosis The Perfect Cubist Enchilada A,nd God’s Own Seahorse The Color Where Tump2 Eyes Died Cleaning Half Man, Half Mousetrap Laundry Usher Vapor Coach Liquid Tokyo Blast Of Turkey The Cubist Spheres Squirt Forest Blissful Furniture Aroma Ronance Plunger Tax Shiny Lawn Skinny Lawn We Blür Month Of Hutto Death Row For Apple Raisin Fuse Oil My Neptune Proud Sister Joe The Three Of I More Rhinoceros Than Rhinoceros The Crampton Vinegar Works Flora, The Singing Gerbil Wig Habits Mr. Kasputsys’ Toothbrush Leech-In I Speak Garlic Assaqunk, CT. The Happy Saddhus Running For Pope The King Fell Noun El Juarng Indefatigable Panegyric Dishrag Eyebrows Month Of Onion Do The Moo Wild That Stuff! Don’t Eat Our Carpet Jupiter! Bambi Stole The Keeshka Nose Splint Salad-In-Law Walnuts Are My Fort Golf (Plural) Pencil Ham The Quenching Guest The Paid Maybe Polka Dot Appliance Liquid Puppy His Lips On Her Eyes Vulgar Salad Network Enchilada Shoes The Coffee Lemons They Hope Grape Shafts Of Blacklight All-Pork Apple Rose Dentures Frog-In-Law Teflon Soup All-Wooden Alarm Bell A Charcoal Squint Phase Change Monitor Network My Tender Curtain Map-To-Soup Routine Naomi’s Anvil Garlic Golf Liquid Her Yucca Shoes Worried Skull Retired Sandwich Door Elixir Hat Music Your Teeth Have Eyes Grape Service Your Asbestos Future Phantom Pancake Ear Juror Color Of Event Night Uncle Yummy Shirt The Quart Man Plum Thorax Baggy Shoes Soybean # 30 Children’s Petting Volcano They Drill For Catfish Dial H For Hatchet TWO qwn Teeth, Memory Instant Lamprey Ketchup Truck Voluntary Gravy Organically Grown Telephones I Smell Paris He Liquified Podiatry Where Chops All-Stucco Troupe Lunch With Mrs. Oswald Gourmet Freedom Lozenge Uncle Bologna Hairyards The Letter “:” Land Alien Cube, At Noon Dial-A-Sink Our Door Janitor Shouting Squirrels Toe-Chef Ham Train Chillwagon All-Hum Dialogue Automatic Pirate Prune Window Previously, They Were Dishes Vinegar Whorl “Uncle ‘Wall-Only” Knee Dialog School Of Rhnw Soup Pontoon Living Door, Soggy Ointment Left, Standing Submit Owl Pipe Cleaner Insurance
My old friend Steven Yates contributes a few: it was he who originally came up with Lunch Paper lo those many moons ago. Radio-Waist Soap Opening Meat Situation Thee Knormal Knee Entry Dream The Third My Claire Moustache Puppy Blur Don’t Item Going Schwa Taxi Lens Priority Sink Her Drain Memory I’m Cyst Glue Howe Polar Eyes Thursday Image Abductive New Cow, Old June ‘38 Back ‘38
Back to more of mine: Bald Circus The Bang Man Gerund Soup Memphis On The Ceiling Shoulder Whir Rent-An-Eclair All-Puppy Jury Unsettled Cleanser Lamp And Gravy Patio Chips Abnormal Lunch Stomach Rhyme Colic Pants Parts-Siphon Bucknfyj Lava Teeth HRAJÜMPAS! “Take A Shirt Out Of The Freezer” Lawn Oleo Oleo Lawn Dawn Oleo Oleo Dawn Type R Blood Sanitary Pickle Stockings Bald Shower Yesterday-In-Law Convicted Of Driving-While-There Nose Appliance Ear Typhoon Reply Soon; Veto Party Random Clothier Ham Toupee Horsefetti Hold My Cough For Ransom To Cook Piano Lip Batter Random Third Floor Unknown Wafer Ham-Train Banana Pi Cream Of House Soup Her Third Shoe I Majored In Mouse His Teeth Are Generals Spaghetti-Tourniquet Salad The Rotting Slones That Okra Man Liquids For Kennedy Om 3 X 2 Poor Bald Apple Noise Or Cufflinks? Walking The Oyster Yards Of Doubt Lung Patio Nunfetti At The Corner Of Two Parallel Streets Ghosts Of Dead Overcoats Banana Nut Floss Mayonnaise Shrapnel Partial There Lotion Fragments The Bass Soprano Apple Shutters Noun Muscle Participial Avalanche Dumpster Moon Daybait Two-Cucumber Nap The Okra Dean Mouse Nozal 940 Spaghetti Amnesia Lessons Arrive Else The Nothing Man The Elvis Beatles She Knew My Desert Born To Loon Submalarians Her Liver Hair The Noun Lady On-Paper Waffle Glass Frisbee Tongueshod Snazzleberry Pie Naughty Lettuce Mr. Fretwell’s Toothache Those Deer In Yonkers The Squint Police Salad Drawer Whisper Church Tomato Laundry Eleven Ibis Fists The Mad Shovel Tongue Extractor Kit Wooden Hose The Before Man Cook The Sombrero 5 Collate 5 Pope Lucid XII Alum Register Library Bone Lung Coyote Half Man, Half Boxcar Plaid Violin Lunmn Always Lunmn Lumber Moon Too There To Be Here Before The Before Since Aluminum Wa Her Indoor Geese Our Cow Puppy Dessert Abrasion Null Grey Fox The Truth Shoes Ham Thorax Below In Fain 3-D Cook Going, Going, Here Zinc Lips The Boiling Code Map Of Jelly The Point Of Being E Gothic Oire Lawn Door The Undernourished House I Sing The Cabbage Homer O’Pathic The Boiling Lips Student Volcano Accepting Soup Nude At Noon Live Furniture Flavarobo Eyes House Of Bleach No Read This Time Bolt Lips Worm Plan Los I. O. Q. N. Balsa Milk Suede Breath Excerpt # 5 Ramp Chips Furry Hurry Putt #19 Mrs. Oldham’s Ether War The Jailed Cupcake Appliances Need Sleep Pizza Runway Going Bird Pork Forgets A Solvent Knife Pistachio Vent The Bald Spaghetti Evacuate (n.) Sorta Wrench Salmon Patio Piston Meat Lapthinkers Cat Cannot Vote Broom Salad Weathertight Cantaloupe All-Meat Stirrups Zoetrope Technicians Yo, Typeface Remarkable Catarrh Cure 36,500 It The Brain Train The Fairviews Geranium Sanitarium Spaghetti Counterfeiters Os Muebles Home Otter Breeding Project The Custard Din Tongue Clarinet Ever-Dry Liver Cleaners Magic Salad Os Baldefonics Dripe Suit All Them Is Doorbell Lunch Trauma Budget Hernia Hernia Budget Life Is Only Violin Drool City Sub-Trout Polio Mansion Liver Furniture Deer Music Spoon Tires Fear Boarder Femur Rescue Sub-Total Garage Lens Rubber The January Process Home Nasal Account Garbage-Sculptor Destiny Washing Machine Lunch Projector Grapefruit Host Half-Man, Half-Parrot All-Hose Landscape Steady Throat No More Shoes For Eyes My Son Is Not Your Grape A Myriad Of Slosh Ω@7 Al’s Spaghetti Room Dot Your Kleenex Laundry The Moon Parallel Hat Cufflinks Forget Your Spaghetti Dial-A-Femur Bald-Salad 6 ozs. Work @ 4¢/oz. Formerly Lettuce Pinch This House Why Wait For Garlic? Piano Cuffs The Man Who Invented Kneecaps Using Pasta For Camouflage Pliers, WITH Ranch Dressing Lemon Opera Chewing Gun With The Colonel December Slices Okra Hordes Jello Saw 36,524 Lt. Raw Where Sardine Visit Shake Hands With Galax I Was A Teenage Puppy Wrench Only-Polka Repair Serv. All-Toad Golf Bellows Furniture-In-Law Vote Inside This Bottle She Knows Spinach How High Is YOUR Radish Naugahyde Porchlight Polka Fries The Gift Of Soup Dining While Gripe Wet Balance A Present For The Moon Walk The Gauze Eyes Don’t Listen Song Those Shoes If U Was W Grapefruitorium Elmer Fudd Meets The Dentist Future Drip Grind Eyebrows Of Alberta Boiled Furnace Baked Theatre Thigh, As In Stove The Meat Pages Corduroy Bicycle Boulder Therapy All 5 Of His Eyes Ticking City The Bald Campfire Size 68 Parakeet Suit Salt Parent Snoot Parfait Stove Apartments Gung Therapy My Liquid Owl The Now Police The Used Police Coughing Instructor World Irritable Institute Okra Dump Cowmates Lemon Trials Lemon Trails Human Garage Sale Brass Band Chop Suey Hear The People Meow Juicy Hamburger Airport Joe’s Midnight Lunch Mr. & Mrs. Then & Now The Cavemets I Stull The Stull Lamp Pickle Ripe Asthma Chest Deep In Cornflakes Plus-Walkers All Dirt Flavors Neon Farmers Un-Dentist The American Forgotten Shoe Association Helicoptercicle Daymoon Cement Raincoat Submit Wrench The Glass Bruce Liquid Flea My Blue Head These Cow Purple-In-Law The Trestle Chef Nose Toast Zigzag Flames Home For Sunburned Plankton The Semi-Him Granite On Fire Steel Wool On Fire Knee Sluts Fictitious Servants Bedroom Comet Purr, As In Catfish Ham Becomes Telephone Overnight Sawing Myself In Half Forever Lozenge Forgotten Dingbat Exchange Unbarking Foam Farm Uncle Mildred TAQ 01 7.3 Mih The Wet Clinic Eyed To The Moth Abnormal Shoe Lunch Pepsin Room Grlt-Md-Pho Ensign Room Guilty Of Radiator Tomatoes For Brakes The Nothing Inspector Knee Deep In Sweat Super Drab Flakes Drenched In Toast Moon Slaw Uncle The Upholstery Ape Three Rubber Snack Sunken Drapes The 76th. Fleur Participial Bondage Itch City Ache Closet Steel-Toed Oatmeal Floured Duct Retired Mouse The Clifton Mockbee Experience The Slow Sloogy Gentlemen Collect Air Dishworkers’ Shoes Toes Grind The Spirits Ducks Only After 11 Homemade Airport Mnbl, Mnbl Rancid Stamps Rabid Stool Blunt Eyes The Professional Yawners Nose Bench The Number Sheriff Cucumber [Is To] Uncle Dave Macon As Spaghetti [Is To] Oklahoma Noun Patriot Nose Deaf Tall Soup Toe-Deaf They Invented Water Itchy Soup The Grass Chandelier Sub-Urban Egg Noises Hammerfrogs Mumble Eraser Luggage Over Lugnuts (Tubular Attachm’t.) Stucco Fan Shoe Chef Raisin-Hearted The About-Beets Bouffant Ankles Egg Dawn Bad Lunch Insurance The Pre-Before Gravel Ointment Mutual Ketchup Insurance Poison Pen Lettuce Yawn Back To Crescendo Dental Noise Okra Burglars Playpen Justice The Unknown Lung A Trapezoidal Paradise Come One, Come Grandmaw Hat Clinic Chive Appliance 8 Over 2 Bugle Sanitation Salad Outage Ham Interns Shoes = 11 Toe Poets One Who Jello Food Asleep One Shoes Dickens County Mud Volcano Non-Salad Wear Uncle Apartment 2 The Dull Man’s Dinner Plans Stalwartized & Run Quiet Raining For Health Ham Chair Taste The Rain My-Life-In-A-Jar Roast Shutters Never Doubt Cucumbers The Stove Police Retired Whale Coroner Trombone Cubist Baldness
My friend D. J. Hack contributes: Rabid Stamps Rapid Stamps Albino Binoculars Nostril Camp Sr. Oscoso’s 86-Kilo Gerbil
Robert, one of the world’s best bartenders, tosses in Won Ton Earrings.
More of mine: Okra Spy Hour Salad Grandma’s Tooth Powder Applepappy Grim About Egbert The Hand Polka Luggage Stew Coffee Salad Okra Ballet Dishes For Eyes They Lived His Hat Head Farm The Sug. Toaster Fetish All-Salad Campfire The Limp Eleven Half-Cave Gliere-On-Toast Head, Tied-Roger D-217, At Lunch Lamp Gravy Shoelaces Kumquat Amos, Forgot Mouse Exit Must Stethoscope! Horses Make Mistakes Uncle Lucky Moon Lunch Editor Opera Pants Eye Volcano Volcano Eye Lunch, Drain Pants Cigar Lime Authors Ham Telephone The Deaf Shovel The Ghost Inside The Suitcase Designer Lava The Silent Hum Thursday Hut I’m (*) Nose Pants Liquid Ankle The Okra Club Dye Your Cow The Einstein Doily The Anti-Is 7. Soup Her Hands Went Puppy The Unknown Railroad Steamed Telephone Apt To Knees Gravy Barn The Anti-If Machine Only Tuba For Lunch Long Green Eyes Nose Chair Bait Thinner Forgot To Te The Gerund Man Hum In Dog Reply Piano Igor’s Nozal I Always Sul Piano Reply There Salesman Motorized Spam Sub-Peony Cardboard Boo-Hoo They Went Lamp Lobby Hat Half-Man, Half-Pickup He Drove Her Dwa Nose Patsy That Okra Stool She Wore Her Nobody Shoes Egg-In-Law I Am All Grape Most Patriot Lunch Yawn Pants Slow-Motion Cereal All-Bathtub-In-Sanskrit The Idea Surgeon Plunger-Cook Nose Chef Can Of Shoes Car Have Chin Joyous Lemurs Soup Pirates Tuln (7) Head Salad The Chrome Nixon The Retired Underwater Lamp Pizza Full Snorkel Smile The Five Of Nose Hell’s Angels On Okra The Arf Of Shoes Nose Pants Small Household Mammals, Such As Giraffes Kind Paper Sumo Waiters Chef And Third A Garlic These Salad Patty Fingertip Despot Thunderscope Erotic Well My Russia Won’t Work Cubic Wolf Eraser Of Lips Furtive Sky Guilty Sky Hungry Sky Greedy Waltz Yogurt Splicer Gruesome Discovery Under Horse Your 7th. Need Not Complain Ghost Lemon Basement Moon Lumber Spout Corn 2:30 Primal Steam Therapy Soup Batter Cosmetic Plug-Ins Soup Golf Soup Driver 10 Glue 3 Shattered Corn All Nose-Ohio We’ve Gone Ketchup Shouting Mutely Iranian Sausage Bock Jaw City Nonbehuskis Egg Underwater Egg Underwear Ex-Salad-In-Law Our Liver Sexton Agony Lamp Gos Queckers Spaghettus Deputy 9 Practice Fish Hatchet Almost Mouse Zinnia Shoes Mouse Replica Just Nose Budget Lime Golf Breath Gum-Chewing Nudists Oysters Bleeding Town Without Pitney That Grape Conspiracy Fleas Breaking Wind He Does Pipe, Chevrolet Post-Before Throat Night Uncow Autobiography Of The Wind Nevada Shoes-Muscle Thought Garage As Was Possibly Mustard Of Solving The Pickles Rain Insurance The Letter “Why” Elastic Deck My Life In-Gull Sorta Wouldn’t The Night-Japanese An Enamel Budapest The New Improved Sleep Sitting String The Tamale Club Tumor Salad Flannel Floor Porcelain Moon Deputy Oil Random Birdcage The Twelfth Twice Shoes (4) The Lonely Mouse Garbage Sinus Twirlers 70% Horse Always Ylwn Near-Tuba Experience Count To Iron Chin Shoes Widowcleaners Bologna Horn Ghost-Throat Stainless Steel Parking Lot Salmon Hinge Leaking Neighbors Ironic Rubble The Marching Trees Off-Black Sub-Attic Our Leather Oahu Lather Warehouse Cucumber-Fish Pre-Nasal Drip 1/10 The Postal Shoes New And Used Dixie Late For Fawn Mail Myself Blue 1/10 Golf The Full Perry Sin # 6 Colon Surfers Passionate Shirt Past Participle Apts. Esophagal Dust The Escaping Those Lumber Follicle French Fried Moon Class: Crustacea Polyp-In-Law Tube Cryonics Oh, So Soap Detergent-Noon Okra Luck Amoeba Clearance Sale Snoring: Pizza Truman’s Dirty Dishes Hmongathon Night Sharpener Elastic Mouth And Center Tomato-Golf Prune Room Rent-A-Pancake Dial-A-Pickle Nozzle Camp Deputy Spinach The Sound Of Gravy Taught Bleeding My Mother The Shoes Then Drop Soup Time Lesions Edible Porch Yummy Coat Velvet Snack Probable Cow Mow The Cleanser Slow Teeth The Excited Egg Our Liver Coach Pet Flatworm Comics & Stories Shout Shoes All-Pork Section Crew Piano Gas 7:30 Shirt The Scribble Man 10X The Backstop Archery With Potato Redundant Ambulance Fish Feet Los Calvin Tomato Snout Skystompers Towel Hurry Cubist Hurricane Plexiglass Umbrella Baseball Cadillac Of I’ve Onion Used As Horse The 50¢ Hitman Shin Food Draft Polka Lumber Diapers Egg-In-Law Tin Lozenge If Dental, Suitcase Third Glove Doorbell Salad Luminous Ham Vacuum Ranch Don’s Cleanser Facts Deaf Salad Crab: Nebulous Spoon Shoes Rhyme Panther Skirt Laundry Pageant Volcano-In-Law Otter Pants Clarinet-Shirt All-Ears Breakfast Luscious Eel Chops Op-Ed Watermelon Leaf Ballet The Doorknob Club Her Sundown Laugh Worn Puppy The Lone Salad Pencil Fog The Answer Cat Mlph Lef 2+2 The If There Squid 19 Diphtheria Moon Cleanser Dawn Okra Tunnel Rug O’s Spend All Night Taking Out The Mouse Garbage Cajun Nose Trap ‘Cello Lessons Online Handlebar Mitzvah Too Alice To Be Alice Ear Sorting Machine The 8 After Schwa Seaweed Hubcaps 7/6 The Sidekick To Presidents Nose Sharpener Carrot Suspenders Poor Lonely Sponge Dondi Avoid Hammer Ready?-Aim-Termite! Turtle Repair Kit The Noise Of Canopy Calliope Breath Safety Pin Banquet Sandbar Etiquette Lost Raviolus Our Vanilla Pets Yawn Me Turquoise Catfish At Night All-Ant Horticulture Flounder Shades Wooden Gravy Appliances Snore Now Shavings Lip Closet The Backfiring Cupcake Laundry Bacon Black-Tie Spaghetti Supper The Now Closet Sky Imposter Towel-Deaf Hear The Sky Jaw Sky Lunchscope Ex-Coffee Butt Drops Long Soup Lugnut Catsup Son Of Golf Walk The Pope Suet Response April As Category Shoes That Vote 10/73 Here His Lime Empire Together Fumes 25¢ Vacation Size 9 Moon Sore Clarinet Vacuum The Moon Mousescape Bath-In-Law Public Whale Confetti Belt When (# 28) Waltz Chips Felony Gravy In Jail Trauma Chops Liquid Vacation Gummi Mailbox Earthworm Paper Lamp Scrooge Onion Hotel All-Moo Orchestra Lap Toast All-Mouse Diet Whale Belt Welding Corn Artillery Pie Electric Dentures Noun Party String Table Laundry Umpire Judge Not Lest Ye Be Postum Vote For Your Favorite Volcano Life As A Fragrance Lunch At Midnight Her Tomorrow Shoes The Vaguely Aware Won’t Cough Add Bassoon Golf I Have Of Hat Freeze-Dried Tourniquet Gasping For Lettuce Terrifying Cycle Sorties Land Of Now Bruce Hat Appliance All-Used Tomorrow The Bruised Subway Melting The Furniture Ramp Neither History Forgets Random Pepper Month Of Vine Tired Dimestore Excuses Suburb Of Shoes Son Of Wall Fury 7/8 Repair Kit Guns Having Nightmares All Walk Acorn Rubber Dean Housemeat The Lame Wall The Blue Sleep Teflon Moon Off Ramp Polka Rubber Door Lung Crazy Hula Bolt 9 Noon E Ham Brakes Solid Air Lamp Cuffs The Overflowing Ostrich Anti-Here Vaccine Son Of Baked Grape Livermush Standard Time Instant War: Add Only Water Why Don’t Cloves Have Teeth? All-Clown Dubuque Dichotyledenous Monocots Half-Stove, Half-Martian Live The Catwalk Do Catfish Snore? 2/3 In Macaroni & Cheese Insurance The Apathetic Activists The Underused Goalpost Dial-A-Soup The Sequestered Plunger Blendereyes The Sorrow Of Appliances Put That Ham In Jail! Give Your Teeth A Day Off Fruitcake Moon Gum Ranch Ten To Where Hatsoup Pinecone Hernia The Anti-Floor Art For The Deaf Hanging Ketchup The Dept. Dept. Listened-To Socks Gone Volcano Porch And Chips How The Terrible Sway Sugar Shirt Temporarily Parrot Nozzle Cuffs Nose Collar Swimming Zero The Steam Walter My Vacant Bath A Stack Of One The Dark Since Cleveland Hammerlens Paper Sleet Toenail Japan Sad Little Toaster Underwater Sky Famous Eggplants Of Iowa Dill Saw Lab Muscles “O. K.” A Stack Of Charlotte My Pi Ambulance Puppy Laundry Yumtuesday Dozing Chives Dill Puppy Overdue Grunt Appliance Wrenches For The Deaf Salmonoon Polite Knees Nose Shelves The Prune Defence Miraculous Dropsy Cure Trout-Valet Her Coyote Shoes Proper Leavage Meat Nouveau Thigh Sign Nose Acreage Chinmorning Raw 2’s The Cement Olive Nose Barn Hollow Water Glass Soup Noisy As Food 720, Is Early As Lawn The Chewed Eleven Same Cardboard Sleep Baltic Panama Nimbus Train Dr. 126 BL. 2 The World, Unsaid The Ache Of Noon The Drowse Queen The Thimble Man The Handaprils Lung Doily Boxcar Breath Tetanus Matches The Retrained Hydrangea Wake Up And Smell The Golf! Nose Chimes Nose Church Nose Waist Salad-In-Tow The Diggaw Bros. Untold Between There And (Drowsy) Pride Flakes Two-Tone Pickle Convertible Catfish Some Grapefruit Sleep The Unaware Governors Chewy Admiral The Sleepwalking Catfish All-Moon Diet The Brutal Ameba Nose Farmers Death By Parmesan Brake Salad Pickle Ankles Vegan Ghouls Discount Moon Annually, Rattles Half-Golf Aerosol Beard Burnt Toast By Gould Eat Doily Lateforest Amoeba Music Plankton-In-Law A Date With Uncle Boo-Boo Pencil Tonic All-Wool Ceiling Aspire To Respire Moon For Rent The Always Here Toxic Butt Clinic The Bellowing, Stuck Amoeba Take 0 I Married Khrushchev’s Daughter Lawn Dentures Toaster Romance Hand-Held Garlic Wonder Pebble-Waist Oi Waterspout Shoe Snout Schwa Towtruck Okra Barn Gas Ridiculous Croassroads Pants Tomato Report Card Waltz The Lumber Hand Porch Trout-In-Law Troubled Pants Vague The Lumber The Ask Murderers Earcuffs Sofa Lips 7 = 4 All 3 Hat Symptom: Toast Biography Of A Thunderstorm Vat 11: The 73rd. The That Suez Molecule Boat Vitamins Bald Soup Ear House Paragraph π Poultry Lessons The Pitted Child Tragic Doorknob Flesh Sedro Wooley Watchpocket Blink Wool Maynard Krebs’ Bathwater Beef The Impossible Nose Drop Soup 0.2 Blat Solid 12 Raisin Bloodhounds Gladys The Co Mood 13-J Don’t Lung The Now Imposter It Doesn’t Hat Numb Closet Long Tried Hips 5 Foot Howl Sudden Lozenge Whole Wheat Ham Allergic To Sleepy The Cobweb Within Lunch Jury Ham22, e The Glass Tomorrow Census Pants The Dull Door Spinach Lamppost The World Of Canvas Olives Uncle Dandruff Breath The Pants She Shoes The Tin Queen Dialing Nose Crayons Salmon Turret Mouse Dump The Novel Chin Convex Potholes Thud Soup Pile Of Elevens Noun-Dairy Tunnel Soup Nacho Clock Drip-Grind Polka Ear Guys Lug Anthem Sarcofag R Us Inhale Puppy Shoequake Uncle Normal Nosequake Trichinous Curb Yawn-A-Denver All-Wool Stare Utah List Septic Tank Elvis Adobe Marsh Dub Lettuce Gold Feet Lamp Of Verbs Wool Sea Turntable Soup Escaped Laundry Patients She Went Chin Molar Depot Clock Heater Taco Bath Lip Noon Tooth Ferry Mr. It Instant Airport The Anti-Here Machine Vacant Lungs
If none of those will do, ask your Aunt Elmo. Good luck with your Suds Volcano! Speak The Porch!!
William Orten Carlton = ORT Special Correspondent For The Flagpole
William Orten Carlton played in the bands Doorknob Teeth, Low-Riding Cadillac, Insomniac Nightcrawler, Goss And The Flatbed Press, and Vinyl Radio.
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Ort looks at all the local places that aren't on the map anymore.
Just when we thought Ort had packed it in, here he is back and full of beer.
Ort tried all of the beers. Every single one.
Is it a sign of a better economy that Georgia is bursting with brew?